Put on your miner’s helmet, because we’re literally heading in the nether-regions of Craigslist depravity here.
This is not for kids. Or the squeamish of heart. Or, really, for any decent person.
We’re talking about the Casual Encounters section. Here it’s “nsa” (no strings attached). No pretense, no picking up the check, no romance, just the business. If you don’t bring a fistful of condoms then you probably won’t live to see our next president.
(Note: Many of these links contain, believe it or not, STRONG SEXUAL CONTENT, so don’t go if you’re a Mormon or considering the priesthood.)
Here, you can find important cultural events, like two female roomies looking for muscular beefcake, or nerds looking for “Hot Robot Love.” My favorite, however, was this guy looking for “a doctor” to get him some prescription drugs. But he’s not looking for anything as base as horse tranquilizers or Quaaludes… no, he needs the real stuff —acne medicine!
I suppose there are a few types of people who might troll pages like this. There are the merely curious, the intellectuals who pretend that they are doing some sort of sociological experiment by looking but are actually just curious, people looking to get some “love” and those looking to give some out to anyone with an email address.
or some reason, this sort of surprised me. I always figured the people who go to these sites are looking to have needs met. But to see people offer full body massages or a free cuddle – well, there can’t possibly be any ulterior motive there, can there? Actually, I find this sort of funny – even in the world of free, anonymous sex, you still need to sell yourself.
People sometimes post pics of themselves on the Casual Encounters page. Well, parts of themselves, anyway. With the exception of perhaps this cross dresser, most people don’t post pictures of their faces. This seemed odd to me at first, because wouldn’t you want to see if your casual encounter is going to look more like Tyra Banks than Ernie Banks? (Note: This joke sounds clever, but actually makes no sense).
No, most people just post pictures of their privates. Since many of those looking for sex are gay men, that means lots and lots of penises. So rejoice — whether you live in Edgewater or Wrigleyville, there seem to be gay naked men with cameras only blocks away (-Ed. Yeah…we’re not linking to those postings…).
Women posters are less frequent – a sensible reality given the potential risks. There are exceptions, however, which sort of make you feel bad inside.
Some people looking for random sex have really busy schedules, so if you are free after 1:30 p.m. on Feb 16, let this guy know.
And while obviously most people are here to get their needs met, sometimes it can work out for everyone involved. Listen to this guy’s post: “I really want to be somebody’s servant. I am very good cleaning, doing laundry, washing bathrooms, cleaning floor or carpets, etc, etc, etc… You don’t need to do anything; I am going to do everything for you. You just order, and I obey. I am not a bad person, and I don’t want a relationship or sex. All I want is to be abused, and serve as a real slave. I have references if you want. Please, use me as your personal servant!”
Are you thinking what I’m thinking? That’s right – free gutter-cleaning service! Free mover! Free chauffer! Using someone never felt so good! And you don’t even need to tip! (Except with the tip of a pointy boot, perhaps).
If you’ve read this far, congratulations! Now is the time to take a shower. I am currently typing this from my shower on my laminated laptop, BTW.
(Note to self: Contact Nobel committee and let them know that this article is available for awards while it is simultaneously destroying my career).
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Jon Rubin
A lifelong Rhode Islander, Jonathan Rubin is a graduate student at the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University. His worked has appeared in Slate Magazine (where he currently interns), the Chicago Red Eye, The Chicago Defender, and elsewhere. More
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