“Hi, Christine. This is _____. Haven’t, uh, heard from you in a while… I hope you’re ok. I’m actually kind of worried. I saw there was a bike accident in your area, I hope that wasn’t you. And I heard the flu was going around. My roommate’s boss has it…. Oh no! I hope you didn’t get it through me from my roommate’s boss. In that case, let me know if there’s anything I can do… maybe some soup? Anyway… bye, I guess”
Crud. He was supposed to infer from my strategic scheme of unanswered calls and texts that he’s a nice guy, but I’m not really looking for something right now and I’d rather just be friends… Now he thinks I’m dead. Where did I go wrong?!
Recently, a girlfriend of mine was hanging out with a guy for a short two weeks, only to realize that he wasn’t for her. When she had decided to say bye and move on— without actually communicating that “bye”— it became apparent by his concerned voice-mails that the silent treatment was not going to fly. She realized that what they shared, while brief, was going to require a semi-formal breakup, complete with explanations, apologies, and even a small shoe box exchange of his and her stuff.
It’s happened to all of us. After a few dates, you decide for whatever reason that he or she isn’t what you’re looking for. And you’ve spent just enough time together that a wave goodbye and a dive into the nearest cab is no longer an acceptable ditch. But at the same time, you’re just shy of having The Talk that would have vaulted you into the obligation-laden Relationship. Now comes the hard part. Ending this ambiguous thing that never officially began.
What to do? Admittedly, breaking something off is difficult no matter how deeply entrenched your heart once was. Feelings are to be had and hurt on both sides. But who needs a full-blown break up when there is no box of stuff, no friends ready to take your side, and not that many memories to run through your head as you listen to emo kids wail and moan on your Itunes? Because of its transient nature, it’s tempting to treat this ambiguous “relationship” with the same regard you’d give to a withering houseplant.
I’m going to muster all of my maturity here and declare that there is a better route to take in these awkward situations, and it doesn’t involve the silent button on your cell phone. Yes, I’ve done that in the past, as well as been a bewildered victim, and I think we can all attest that it’s not that cool. So suck it up, and just let the guy/girl know. You don’t need to make it a drawn-out dramatic affair, just a simple explanation should suffice. He or she will most likely appreciate your honesty and you’ll get major points from the dating gods for your classiness and balls. Not to mention a clear conscience and spare room in your voice mailbox.
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