It wasn't hard to find someone who wanted to talk. In fact, I had my pick of lost souls to choose from. It was quite the eye-opener just to see people clamor for some attention from another human being. Most people shy away from interviews with the media unless it involves damage control, but one man, James, didn't seem to care who he was talking to as long as someone was listening.
He sat on the ground, leaned against a wall, eagerly rattling the coins in his cup as passersby ignored him. Maybe they misunderstood, or maybe they weren’t listening close enough. James wasn't begging for change in a cup. He was begging for change in a heart.
Over chai tea and fried rice this nursing home resident told me of his 11-year journey bouncing from mental institutions to hospitals and back again. He willingly offered his life story in exchange for a $6 meal. The dirt under his nails, the black on his teeth and the faint flicker in his blue eyes told me what he had to say would probably be worth listening to.
Lauren: You are only 54 years old - that’s young. How did you end up in a nursing home?
James: It was about 11 years ago I got put in there by my parents 'cause they said I was mentally ill. I don't know why they kept me there because my parents are dead now. A Cook County judge told me I couldn't handle my finances so they gave me a state guardian 'cause I can't handle my own money. How does he know? A throw of the dice?
L: They didn’t diagnose you with anything?
J: They never told me nothin' except I was a paranoid schizophrenic, but I ain’t paranoid. The only thing I'm afraid of is heights. That’s normal, right? [laughs] They told me I hear voices, but I don't hear no damn voices.
L: How do they treat you in the nursing home?
J: They talk down to us, you know, like we ain't people like them. Like we ain't at their level. We only get $30 a month to live on, and you know how much a pack of cigarettes costs now? You get a carton of cigarettes, and it's like you have 200 new friends.
L: Why do you only get $30 a month to live on? How do you make that money last all month?
J: It's like in football. It’s “unnecessary roughness” to take all our money. I had $6,000 in the bank when I got there, and they took $4,000 of it. Everything is up for grabs. They say they run on public aid [from the State of Illinois] so why then are they takin' all our social security checks? You can't get no job 'cause they'll take your check away from you, and then you still only get $30 a month.
L: Is that why you were begging for change on the street?
J: Yep. I'm in the game of life, not the game of B.S.
L: So what about your family?
J: I'm an orphan, and I was adopted. My foster father was gay, and I wanted to kill him when I was a kid. He was a liar - to my mother, to me. He was a hard worker though, but he was a liar.
L: Do you have a wife and kids?
J: My wife died of anorexia. She ran off to California and left me here. She would write but wouldn't put a return address on the envelope so I couldn't find her. I called her dad up one day, and he said she had died, but I don't know. Maybe he was lying. I don't think I have any kids, but you never know there might be one out there somewhere [laughs].
L: So what is it that has brought you through all these trials in your life?
J: You know that Bible scripture that says "What good is it for man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" Well everyone, every Christian, is tempted by that sometime in their lives. You're offered the whole world, and you gotta decide if you're gonna take it or leave it. I left it.
And he left that small Asian eatery with leftovers in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I watched him disappear into a dark Uptown alley, and he never looked back.
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Lauren Fleming
Lauren Fleming was born and raised in rural east Texas and now calls Chicago home. She is a graduate of the University of Texas at Tyler with a Bachelor of Science degree in Journalism and works full-time in Illinois politics for a state official. She has volunteered with the Homeless Coalition, served in AmeriCorps National Service, has tutored at-risk youth and coached youth basketball. She has a heart for the homeless and the hurting and works alongside various organizations to help eradicate social injustices. More
Comments
Its sad. I myself walk away, dont give change. I think of myself and my next meal knowing that I will have a next one no matter what. I have a job and an apartment.. Tho small its warm and I have a great family I can call at anytime for help. I would love to help more often. I almost feel shallow saying I cant spare a dollar. How can I not spare a dollar? If I cant how many others cant? I have given away my food beofre and given away a hot chocolate with extra whipcream... But is there more? I'm excited to hear more and maybe by reading this blog it will help others beside myself see beyond the cup also.
I think the biggest problem I had with giving money to people who ask for it is they are lazy and won't work for a living. I now realize there are some souls who are just victims of a lost society rather than a society with lost souls. Whose the lost ones? God help us all!
I think the biggest problem I had with giving money to people who ask for it is they are lazy and won't work for a living. I now realize there are some souls who are just victims of a lost society rather than a society with lost souls. Whose the lost ones? God help us all!
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