I have a confession to make: I have watched "A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila." I don't like the show and promise my effort to watch it is purely to contribute to bar conversations with other people. Too many nights were spent nodding blankly as people talked about the internet-sensation/reality-star's love life. So when the new season started, I became determined to watch. I have considered making a list of things wrong with the show - from the misleading portrayals of gender and sexual identity to the very premise that someone is giving a reality show to Tila Tequila. I really think there needs to be a greater standard for syndication than how many friends you have on Myspace. But in the end, there was one scene that offended me the most.
During a particularly rambunctious party, Tila's neighbors called the police for a noise violation. When the cops arrived, Tila attempted to flirt her way out of the ticket. As she pressed herself against the officer, she said, "I need a real man." Luckily, the officer didn't fall for her feminine wiles. He told her to step back and gave her a ticket anyway. Tila demonstrated an old stereotype of women using their sexuality to get what they want. I was filled with righteous indignation, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how guilty I am of it.
The other night I was out at a bar with some friends. A man came up to me and continued to flirt and compliment me, bringing out every cheesy line in the book from beautiful blue eyes to how my butt looked in my jeans. I was not interested, but I was flattered. I took advantage of the situation to get a free drink or two. And that was my mistake. After a finished the beer, suddenly it became apparent he thought I "owed" him something in return. After the bar closed, he waited on the corner for me. But I had been smart enough to get a friend to walk me safely to my car even if I had been stupid enough to let him think he could charm me in the first place.
Feminine wiles perpetuate a system that women trade their sexuality for favors from men. A man buys a few drinks and in return the woman is expected to provide company, a kiss or more. But by its very nature this system implies women are nothing more than sexual objects. It is a barter system. A man gives us what we want and we give them our bodies. Sounds just a little bit too much like prostitution for me. I was wondering how we as women learn such behavior and when. Specifically, when did we begin to perceive ourselves as sexual objects and use our feminine wiles to what we think is our advantage?
Then the Dairy Queen commercial came on. A little girl goes to Dairy Queen with her mother and they order one sundae. A waiter brings the little girl another sundae from the boy in another booth. The cherubic girl smiles at her mother and says, "It's like shooting fish in a barrel." I don't understand why this is supposed to be funny. If anything, it's an elementary school version of the bar scene. It is disturbing to me that we could be encouraging kindergarteners on the playground to exchange a chaste kiss for chocolate milk.
From a purely ideological standpoint, it is offensive to my feminist sensibilities. Women deserve to be treated as more than sexual objects. But even more so, it can be dangerous. Like the man waiting for me outside, thinking he deserved more than thanks from me. It could be a man taking advantage of the opportunity to add a little something extra to your martini.
I encourage all women out there - buy your own drinks. Tell yourself you cost more than an overpriced light beer. Tell yourself you are more than a sum of your parts to be exchanged for alcohol or a dinner out. Don't use your feminine wiles to get what you want and instead use your feminist wit and wisdom.
Photo Source: CWTV
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Kristin Maun
Kristin Maun is the Windy Citizen Blog Editor and a senior at
