You can’t write this s#*$. Let’s try anyway. Girl meets boy. Boy seems awesome. Girl Likes boy. Things going well… until. Boy tells girl he is seeing another girl, too. Girl is semi-crushed, but picks herself up and agrees to taking things easy. Dum diddly dee Girl is totally cool UNTIL. Girl runs into Boy with Other Girl and, while face is maintained in the moment, Girl gives in to darkest urges and Googles Other Girl to find…..

… Out that she’s a model. Nude. Lingerie. Did I say nude? Yes, nude. Crud.

Oh, Readers. This Girl is so unfortunately, me. And I’m not telling you this for your sympathy, or affirmations, or even your offerings of bourbon and ice cream. To tell you the truth, I’ve already had the bourbon and ice cream, and I’m in need of some distraction; so to you I write. Dating is hard, as we know, and as your dating blogger I feel like I should share with you the bad experiences as well as the good. So humor me by letting me humor you, because I’m being left for a totally naked blonde. (Oh, your sympathy? No, I simply couldn’t. Ohhh allright, if you insist)

OK, enough of this pity-party. I think this could be a dating lesson for all of us. Maybe my experience can guide you with what to do in case this happens to you— and you are not the model. Because let’s face it, if you’re reading this at a desk that is void of a strategically placed high powered fan over a lunch that consists of more than cigarettes, you are not The Model. But they exist, and date the same guys as you and me.

As they deserve to! Lest we forget, models are people too. And I’m not about to hate on a girl just because she happened upon the genes for freakish height and far- set eyes. But how the hell do you compete with A Model?!

You can’t, really. Because boys will be boys, and models will be models, and boys like legs and it’s as simple as that. Buuuut you can certainly put up a fight. Because there are certain things that non-models have that are just as natural as God-given cheekbones. Years of dating as a non-model equips a “normal girl” with skills and strategies for attracting a guy beyond knowing her angles. Years of practicing eye contact, bar-sidling, clever comebacks, charming anecdotes etc, vault us into a confident, sexy stratosphere that should make any model quake in her stillettos! Sure they have the walk, but we have the talk. You want the score of the game? Which one?. Politics? Please, I spent my Friday night watching Washington Week in Review. Hey— check out these sick dance moves! Did I tell you I make a mean risotto? It goes on and on. 

And Voila. Before you know it you’re right “up there” with the model, in a figurative sense that avoids the danger of grazing the ceiling fan. And that ability to hold your own will catch a few eyes! And the guy that sees right past a pair of pouty lips and straight to your asymmetrical eyebrows might be the keeper indeed. So party on, non-models. Let’s strut our stuff.

What did you think of this post?

To start your own Chicago neighborhood or topical blog on The Windy Citizen, write to us at windycitizen@gmail.com.