Ah, Lincoln Park. Home of frat daddies and beachcombers. Diversity! 

As I strapped on my stalker camera I thought to myself, of all the glorious Chicago neighborhoods, what better place to spot sexy shoppers and post beach hotties working it in the summer's breeziest trend?

Enter, the maxi dress. This one is tricky. I'm all for the effortless, beachy cool yet totally feminine and sexy look that a maxi gives, say, Blake Lively. But let's back up the jolly trolley for a minute here. Let us not forget how painfully hard J. Simp has been trying to make this look work for her with her 4 inch foam shower shoes hiding underneath. Honey, you aren't fooling anyone.

Let's just be honest, this look ain't for the shorties. (But while we are on the topic of footwear, who didn't rock a pair of those unfortch thick black flip-flops from J. Crew back in the day? VINTAGE! Am I right?!)

But I digress. Let's review the many ways to wear it wrong that the L-Pizzle had to offer:

I call this print, "The Flowers We Lost in the Fire."

Oh dear. You know, it's really just sad to see what could be a hot bod lost in a pattern that is burning my retinas. This dress has a great shape, and if she had chosen a solid color to complement her creamy and cancer-free skin it would have totally worked. Except for one thing. Who can overlook the fugly hat in the room? Is it just me or is this screaming A. Simp - aka Simpson "the lesser"? Is Papa Joe in town?! WHERE AM I?!!

Ahem.

Then there is this: 

Let me start by saying that I love this color on her. And she has the tan that I've been shamelessly pursuing at North Avenue beach all summer. And I would even say that she is almost pulling off gladiandals here. ALMOST.

Now, I get it. Alterations are the miz. But when it comes to dress lengths you have to make a decision, and this pseudo-maxi length just doesn't work. A mid-calf length tends to cut off the frame rather than elongate it, and it's got no love for even the slightest of cankles.

And then there is this: 

Okay, so in Lincoln Park the proximity to the lake allows for some leeway. But one of the biggest mistakes you can make with a maxi dress is treating it like a beach cover up. What if this was your Vicki's peeking out? What would your mother think young lady?! Just pull it together already.

And speaking of mothers, who would have guessed that the people sporting maxi-mum hotness would be the LP mamis, REPRESENT.

It is worth noting here that Patti is old enough to be my mother. In fact, her daughter looked equally as fierce in a maxi dress of her own, but here at SATSS we do not discriminate and Patti looked bangin' for ANY age. Love the print, and it fits like it should, fitted at the top and just flowy enough as it falls down at the appropriate length. And what's more? She got it at Target. Owned it.

I have to say that this picture simply does not do Dawn the justice she deserves in her adorable Ella Moss dress. I loved how it's as if she just threw this outfit on and yet she manages to look perfectly chic. The understated wooden earrings are a great touch, and the colorblock pattern really pops, without overpowering her (throw on a cardi and poof! - instant fall update). Dawn has officially proven that when worn right, the maxi can work even for petite frames - and look, no heels!

Yes, that is her tow-headed daughter hiding, and everyone knows that toting your gorgeous offspring is a do any day!

Ciao for now!

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Jamie Plaxco
Jamie Plaxco hails from Houston, Texas. She currently lives in Wicker Park with her husband Kellen and her two dogs, Nelli and Abbey. She graduated from Baylor University with a degree in Journalism and minor in Political Science. Jamie currently works as a Public Relations account executive when she's not honing her fashion skills, and finds most of her fashion inspiration in her mom's wardrobe - and in the pages of Vogue. More